


Falling

by Zelenina



Series: Borderlines [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Album: Fine Line (Harry Styles), Arguing, Boys Being Idiots, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Getting Together, M/M, Misunderstandings, Solo Artist Harry Styles, Solo Artist Louis Tomlinson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:47:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22122826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zelenina/pseuds/Zelenina
Summary: “So, how are things?”How are things??What is he, a talk show host?Harry looks uncertain and like he was questioning this whole situation as well. Well, he was the one to show up with only a call about hour ago to say he’ll pop by. So. If anybody should be prepared for this, it’s him, really.“Everything’s great! Gemma says hi, by the way.”All right. So maybe it’s just Louis who thinks this is weird. He drinks half of his can in quick gulps. But he can do this! He is an adult.Harry and Louis no longer hang out with each other. Yet, here Harry is, curly and wonderful as ever, in the backyard of Louis’ LA home with news that change everything. All things considered, Louis is confused. And then angry. But mostly in love.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Series: Borderlines [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1592929
Comments: 12
Kudos: 182





	Falling

**Author's Note:**

> made some small changes (mostly grammar) 15/9/2020

Louis couldn’t stay still. He narrowed his eyes at his feet. _Stay still, dammit_. He crossed his arms at his chest. Put them again on the armrests of his lounge chair. Cleared his throat. _Dammit._

“So, how are things?” _How are things??_ What is he, a talk show host?

Harry looks uncertain and like he is questioning this whole situation as well. Well, he was the one to show up with only a call about hour ago to say he’ll pop by. So. If anybody should be prepared for this, it’s him, really.

“Everything’s great! Gemma says hi, by the way.” He smiles his boyish smile. A dimple shows up. “I’m glad we’ve finally found the time to hang out, we haven’t been in the same place at the same time for ages!” He winks. “I know, because I've asked around,” he adds stealthily as if he were in a spy movie and takes a drink from his beer can.

All right. So maybe it’s just Louis who thinks this is weird. He drinks half of his own beer in quick gulps. But he can do this! He is an adult.

“Thanks. Tell her I said hi and she still owes me that twenty quid.” He sees Harry taking a deep breath, ready to argue and rushes with “You know very well I won the money fair and square! It’s not my fault she didn’t handle her liquor as well as she thought she’ll be able to!”

“Lou, you were both shitfaced, she felt asleep. As did you, you just don’t remember anything. That in itself tells you a bit about who handled that drinking contest better –”

“How dare you! I’ll let you know I remember everything…! I knew the whole time Niall wanted to draw on my face, so this was the ideal opportunity to finally let him! Why are you laughing?”

“Sure, sure.” His eyes are very bright, even in this darkening sky and setting sun. “How dare I question your noble intentions?” He looks so young and happy. Louis looks away.

“As long as we’re clear. Those twenty pounds are rightfully mine.”

Harry laughs. “How old are you?” There goes his adult card, urgh. “Also, mr. responsible millionaire, you could tell her yourself, she’ll fly in in a couple of weeks. I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you.” In the evening sun, his cheeks look aflame. He drinks his beer while looking at the pool in the backyard.

“Oh? She’s coming? That’s great, but I thought she visited like a month ago? I saw it on her Instagram… Or something.” Real smooth. Just let him know you keep track of his family you don’t talk to regularly anymore. He opens another can from the six-pack he brought outside when Harry came.

“Yeah… She wanted to be with me... These days.” Now he really looks unsure. He keeps looking at the trees at the border of the yard.

“What is it? Is she alright? I mean, I know its none of my business… Sorry. You know me, I need to keep my nose in everything. Heh.” Even he can hear the awkwardness of the laugh.

“No! No, everything’s great, it’s just…” He promptly responds. “It’s just….” He looks at Louis. _Really_ looks at him. Louis hasn’t been at the receiving end of his stares for quite some time. It feels like years. It’s _been_ years, he realises. The last few random encounters they shared were always amongst family members or with the other boys. Now he can feel the stare in the tips of his toes. _What’s wrong with you. You’re an adult. He looks like this at people. You know this, get a grip_. He still blushes, he can’t control that as well. He tries though.

“I need to tell you something, Lou.” He looks at his hands, puts his now empty can under his seat. He talks in his calm, deep voice. Louis missed it. Him. “It’s nothing bad! But I thought I should tell you in person.” He looks at Louis with a soft smile. Out of nowhere, his eyes pop out and his hands are in front of him in a flash: “But I really wanted to see you anyway! Don’t think I came just because of this!” He looks like he thinks Louis might be offended. He’s not, even though the admission that he didn’t come just because he wanted to be in Louis’ company, stinks. Years ago, this wouldn’t have happened.

Louis smiles. “Of course, love.” He can pretend for a while it’s their younger selves talking. Just for a while.

“I… You know how I’m going on a tour in a few weeks?”

“The whole world knows, Harold.” Louis thinks his face must have done something funny because Harry looks bashful. A dimple pops out again. Louis vs. Dimple: 2:0.

“The songs are a bit different then my previous ones, I tried for a new sound.” Oh, Louis knows. At this point, he remembers the lyrics better than his own probably. He might have listened to Harry’s album a few times. Like a few times every few days for a month. But who’s counting.

“Really? That’s… brave. I listened to some of them.” _Steady_. “I really liked them.” The sun might have come down already, but it doesn’t look like it with the way Harry’s eyes are shining and looking right into Louis’ soul. _Fucking get a grip_. “Really? Which ones? Which did you like the best? What did you think of the music?” Is that both dimples at the same time? Send help.

“Eh, I can’t really tell, can I? Your ego will burst and who will tour the world then? Can’t disappoint the fans, lad.” But Harry doesn’t say anything and is just looking at Louis patiently. He’s still smiling softly because he knows Louis so well and that he’ll cop out and answer. He knows Louis is weak when it comes to him. And that’s the problem as always, innit. He always knew Louis to the bone. How easy for him he was. _Is_. Yet here they are. Almost a year after not talking to each other, and even now it’s just because Harry has something to tell him in person. Louis isn’t smiling anymore.

But he ploughs through, as he always does. He smiles and puts on his thinking face as if he has to ponder hard about the answer. “My personal favourite is probably the title track. Or Treat People with Kindness. They sound very… old school, yet like I haven’t heard anything like it before. Indie movie sound, Fine Line is very Bon Iver-ish. In the best way, of course.” He can’t help but think of Harry as a puppy in that moment. Big round eyes, mouth slightly open, listening to his every word. He expects Harry's leg to come out and to scratch behind his ear at any moment.

“What do you think of the lyrics? Were they… Did they surprise you? In any way? Is there a song that caught your attention… maybe mainly because of the lyrics?” Louis stops breathing. It’s as if Harry knew… But he _can’t_. He wasn’t there when Louis cried listening to The Song. Repeatedly. Sometimes he forgets that Harry _knows_ him. They’re looking at each other.

“The lyrics were really nice, Haz.” Louis says slowly, deliberately. “I think… The message you’re trying to say is great. And your fans certainly think so, too.” He grins. How can he be anything than happy for this boy. Man.

“But what about the other ones? Have you heard Falling? Or She or Sunflower?” He looks almost shy.

“Eh, sorry, I’m not really sure, I heard one or two of them and they were really nice, but I was in a hurry when I listened to them… So.” It’s such a dick move, he knows. But he panics – he can’t show any inclination to talk about them anymore, what if Harry asks to listen to them now? To The Song? Louis is not _that_ good of an actor. He knows what he wishes The Song would be about. But Harry was in a serious relationship and honestly. After all these years, Louis knows better. His last bits of hope vanished years ago.

Harry looks a bit disappointed. But not very much, and that’s maybe what hurts the most.

“Yeah, I know it’s not really your style.” He shrugs. “We can’t be all famously accomplished lyricists.” He smiles.

“That’s not what I meant.” He takes a breath to continue, because honestly.

“I really know, don’t worry about it. Also, it’s out just for a few weeks and your album is coming up, you have other stuff to deal with right now. I really do get it. Don’t forget you’re talking to another worldly musician.” He wiggles his eyebrows and Louis can’t help but laugh.

In distance, they can hear some music the neighbours from down the road started listening to. They sit in comfortable silence for a while, just drinking and admiring the sky. The moon has come up, along with a few stars. It’s gotten chilly though and just when Louis starts contemplating going inside to put a hoodie on over his t-shirt, Harry says: “I’m going to come out.”

For a moment Louis thinks the neighbours' radio malfunctioned and made a weird noise forming the words “come out”, but. He slowly turns his head towards Harry and finds him already watching him.

“I’m sorry?” he blurts.

“I want to come out.” He looks calm. Too calm. Louis _knows_ him.

“That’s… That’s big.” He thinks of anything to say. Anything positive that will come out (ha) of his mouth, just to reassure Harry. And to stop the buzzing noise in his ears.

“It’s great you think about it. You want to talk strategies? We can do that, we can –“

“No. No, that’s all taken care of.” He won’t meet Louis’ eyes for a moment. He contemplates something, as if very carefully choosing his words: “I just wanted to warn you, I guess… It’s gonna happen on Friday.“

“Friday,” he says because he feels like he should say something.

“Jeff pulled some strings because he knew I've wanted to do it for a while, and we did a few test group thingies and with the way the rainbow tour was accepted last time… so, yeah.” He trails off. Smiles. He looks like a kid that got away with sneaking off with cookies in the middle of the night or something.

“Yeah.” Louis feels like the stupidest parrot in the universe.

“I know, it's going to be a big change, um, not everything’s going to be great, you know? But the way I see it, even if some of the fans won’t accept it, I don’t really want that kind of fans anyway, so I thought, why not? For every angry fan there can be one that will feel accepted and–“

“I’m sorry, did you say Friday? As in, this week’s Friday?”

“Um, yeah?”

He can’t be serious. “You can’t be serious.”

Harry looked like Louis took his midnight cookies away. Slightly confused and surprised. “I am. It’s not that surprising. You know I’ve been out of closet – well, out in a smallish circle of people, anyway – for a long time. It’s been almost ten years. It’s time.”

“But. You’ve never mentioned you wanted to do it. And why now? Harry, you’re going on a world tour, for god’s sake!”

Harry frowns as if finally perplexed by Louis’ reaction. “Yes. I am aware, thank you.” He looks warily at him. Looks at the pool and mumbles: “I thought you’re gonna be happy for me. Wanted to tell you in person.” Somewhere faraway a dog barks, a person laughs.

Louis should be happy. He is, in a way. So proud of his boy and this big, brave decision. But. “You had to know for a while, right? This couldn’t have been some sort of last-minute decision.” By the look of Harrys reaction, the way his eyes drop to the ground, he knows he is right. “How long were you planning this?”

“Well, the final stages were in place just these last few weeks.”

“You very well know I’m asking about the time you started planning when you were sure it’s gonna happen. Like, the time you knew it will happen for real.”

Harry crosses his legs. Uncrosses them. “Then, in September. Or more like… August.”

“What the fuck, Harry?! That’s half a year ago!” He didn’t realise he was on the edge of his seat, literally, getting closer and closer to Harry. Amongst his internal struggle he also failed to notice that Harry is angry. And has been for a while, probably, with the way his nostrils flare only when he is truly pissed off. 

“I am sorry that I didn’t come and consult MY coming out with you, Louis. We haven’t seen each other even longer! It’s got nothing to do with you! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Are you joking right now?! You coming out is almost as big for me as it is for you!” He knows as soon as the words leave his mouth, it's the stupidest thing he could have said.

Harry gapes at him and Louis can’t deal with him. So, he bolts.

“I’m going to put on something, I’m freezing me bollocks off,” and storms inside. He needs a moment to think. He almost destroys the backdoor with the force he opens it with, then practically runs up the stairs, throws open the door to his bedroom and stalks to his chest of drawers where he just. Puts his hands on the top of it and leans on it a bit. And takes a deep breath, and then another. He hears quick stomping on the stairs and just as he manages to turn around, he is faced with red-faced Harry standing in the doorway. He hasn’t seen him this angry in a while. This, he didn’t miss.

“You don’t get to run from this. What. The fuck. Did you. Mean.” He crosses his arms and looks like he won’t let Louis throw him outside.

“Oh, please. You know.” Harry just stares. His jaw works, Louis can see how tightly he locked it. “Do I have to remind you of our beloved fans? Quite an army we have, or did you forget in that newly established glamorous LA life you lead these days?” Harry still looks angry, but now some confusion takes place on his face as well. “You might be accepted, but do you think nobody will be interested in my take on all of this? In the eyes of - quite a lot of our lovely fans, as I am sure you are aware – _we_ are _together_.” Harry fishmouths. “You might be all right with your rainbow tours and ambiguous lyrics, they have accepted you already. Don’t you see?! But it will be essentially outing me out too, because it will be _huge_ , a One Direction drama after all these years! And I _will_ be asked about it!” He stops just because he literally has to, he has to take a breath. He just barely notices from the corner of his eyes Harry taking a step closer, arms no longer across his chest. He takes a deep breath and looks up. Harry looks… young. And a bit lost. But he never wavers from his looking straight into Louis’ eyes. He bites his lip.

“Are you… I mean, they won’t think you like men just because of this.” His voice is too quiet. Louis squares his shoulders.

“Haz, they would think that – they _do_ think that – because of much less.” He sighs and turns around to the dresser. While opening a top drawer and looking for a hoodie, he continues talking, it’s easier to not look at him. “We’ve always been a bit touchy with each other at the beginning, haven’t we. We were young and didn’t realise how it all would look like to the outside.” He pulls out a grey hoodie and turns with it in his hands. He dares a look at Harry who now looks distressed and like he has something to say but makes himself wait, so Louis can finish. Louis waits.

“I thought – You never said.” Harry shifts his feet, looks somewhere near Louis’ right knee. “I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I never wanted that to happen.” He looks so small. Louis sights again and replies: “I know, Haz. It's not your fault, as I said we were young, we didn’t know better.” Harry startles and looks like he has trouble understanding Louis’ words, so he continues, “if anything, I was older and, well, you know, I should have been more careful.” He feels his cheeks getting warmer, the hoodie in his hands is suddenly very interesting.

“Louis. I meant… I don’t understand. But I meant I am sorry that I was so obvious. You made it clear you weren’t interested, and I was like a love-sick puppy.”

They look at each other helplessly.

“Eh? What? Rewind, please?”

“What?”

“Harry, what do you mean?”

“Um, can we not? You know what I mean.”

“No, I really don’t.”

Harry looks almost angry again. “Louis, don’t play daft, it doesn’t suit you.”

“Ha, that’s funny, but I guess stupid can’t see they’re stupid, right?”

Yep, Harry’s nostrils flare again. “You are many things, but cruel is one I didn’t expect you to be.”

“What the fuck, man!”

“Ok, you know what. I’ll spell it out for you. I’m no longer enjoying this game, whatever it is you’re playing at. I was really into you, excuse my heart eyes, that the cameras and the whole world has captured and is obsessing over, I didn’t know any better then! I was sixteen, I just started figuring myself out and there you were! Straight out of my wanking fantasies, the older boy, cool as shit, of course I had a massive crush on you! Everybody knew! But you made it very clear you are unavailable and straight. That was even worse, because you were nice about it, you were still so lovely to me, and cuddled me, protected me, made me think it’s all right. But I guess your cruel streak had to come out sometime, right? Why did you do it now, though? Is me coming out so shameful to you? Even the thought of you being linked to me is so unacceptable?! After all these years?!” He brings his hands up to his face to angrily wipe away few tears and Louis can just stand there and clutch the damn hoodie to his chest. “I was finally getting better, you are in a happy relationship, we have successful careers, I finally learnt to live without _you_ in my life!” He stops to take a breath and then its almost as if he realises what he had done and goes pale. Looks at Louis with huge eyes that are pleading. Louis still hasn’t moved and now doesn’t even know if he physically can.

“I. I… What?” Harry looks like Louis slapped him. His foot moves and Louis thinks he’s seconds from bolting from the room. “Harry, wait, please.” Harry’s looking at the floor and doesn’t move. “Do you mean it?” Harry looks like he might cry any second. But then something changes, he closes his eyes for a few seconds and when he opens them, he straightens up and looks Louis straight in the eye. “Are you fucking serious right now?” He looks angry again and Louis is very confused. “Listen, _man_ , not all of us have a love life linked beautifully like you do, okay? Eleanor was a sure thing for you ever since the early days. But it wasn’t as clear cut as it might seem at first glance, right? At first hurdle you fucked off and knocked up another woman, I mean, who does that?”

Louis didn’t expect anything to shock him today again, but alas. After few moments of gaping with open mouth at a heavily breathing Harry, he almost doesn’t recognize his own voice through the coldness that seeps through it. “Well, I thought we established I am to be the cruel one here but you surely went for that crown.”

“Well, it’s true.” Harry nods his head as if to convince himself. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Why can’t you be happy for me, that I am finally moving on?”

“What the fuck has my son to do with anything?!”

“Jesus Christ, don’t you see! you’re not as happy in your ideal relationship as you want everyone to believe!” If there was a storm raging out outside, this would be the moment when the loudest thunder strike would hit. 

“You absolute fucking shit! You have no idea about my love life! You ghosted me for almost a year and now you just barrage in here and unload this shit on me like you’re the expert! But you’re ignorant as fuck!”

They’re both breathing as if they run a marathon and Louis can see Harry has had enough and wants to leave. He doesn’t stop him when he turns around. 

Harry stomps out and for a few seconds Louis just stares at his hands with the hoodie still in them. He screams and throws it at the bed. He wants to destroy and rip and be destructive, so he grabs the t-shirt he’s wearing, pulls it off and rips it while doing so. It's only barely satisfying. He doesn't know what to do next. Whiskey sounds like a splendid idea.

But in quick déjà vu he hears stomping at the stairs and second later sees Harry in the doorway again. “How fucking dare you! How fucking dare you say I ghost you as if that were my fault! I was getting over you, you bastard!”

“What the actual fuck! You were in a relationship! What am I, a mind reader?!”

“It wasn’t real! She was another stunt! I had to be with someone, a woman, before the coming out! How would I explain the songs? What the fuck? You’re not stupid, we’ve been through this many times before, as a band! You were _right_ there, you know how it _always_ works!”

They look at each other and Louis feels like he aged twenty years in the last hour. But.

“What do you mean about the songs?”

Harry just looks at him. He seems resigned and almost calm when he opens his mouth and turns Louis’ world on its axis.

“How could you not know. I wrote so many of them about you.”

No. Louis was wrong. This would be the moment when the thunder strikes.

Harry quickly blinks few times, nods as if saying goodbye and turns around. He makes his first step towards the door when he feels Louis grabbing his elbow and swiftly turning him around. Harry won’t meet his eyes, even though they’re standing so very close, with Louis’ hand still on Harrys arm. He just feels Harry’s breath on his naked shoulder. Louis swallows.

He talks slowly and makes sure every single word is clear: “You absolute idiot. I am gay and so very in love with you.” He’s shaking, he can feel it in his hold on Harry.

“No.” Louis would think he imagined Harry’s very quiet answer, if only he didn’t feel the breath with which he replied.

“What do you mean, no?” He takes his free hand to touch Harry’s chin and raise it up a bit, so Harry doesn’t have much of a choice and has to look Louis in the eye. He looks scared.

Louis feels weak. This is a lot. _Adult. Adult. Adult._ The hand on Harry’s arm is almost touching the opened bedroom door, so without breaking eye contact or moving their bodies, Louis uses his fingers and lets the door shut behind Harry with tips of his fingers. The quiet slam of it makes Harry breath out and take a half step back – Louis gets alarmed for a moment – only to realise Harry just wanted to get a better look at him.

“I don’t understand.” He frowns. He still looks scared. But also thoughtful, as if he’s trying to find the right words. His brave, brave boy. “You can’t be gay. You’ve been with Eleanor for years.” He blushes. “I didn’t mean to insult your relationship. Or her.” Again, almost inaudible: “Or you.”

Louis can smell Harry’s cologne and the beer they’ve been drinking. He never knew he wanted to smell stale beer breath that much.

“Harry, we’ve broken up ages ago.” At Harry’s furrowed confused look he just continues, “She knew I didn’t love her. Could never love her.”

“But-“

“Did you mean it? That you fancied me? Years ago and-“ now he feels himself blushing, “maybe still last year as well?” He can’t help but move his hand a bit to Harry’s hair, his thumb placed under his ear. His skin is so smooth, his fingers feel like they are moving on silk. But he knows Harry can grow a beard now. How much has changed in the time he wasn't allowed to touch.

He gets distracted by the loud answer: “How could you ask that again? I swear to god-“ Louis doesn’t wait anymore and closes the last small space between them. He doesn’t kiss him. He just places his lips on Harry’s and waits a few moments, just skin on skin, warm breaths, their cheeks and noses brushing. He can feel Harry’s eyelashes fluttering and he never felt more at home. It's like the calm before the storm, the quiet pause an orchestra makes before the loudest crescendo in a symphony. As always, with his Harry, it’s a lot. He feels more than hears the whimper of “Lou” and then he can’t wait anymore, he kisses the lips that have haunted him for almost ten years.


End file.
